One day, a man walked into a bar. He say's to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing in your life, will you give me five free beers?"

The bartender says, "Show me this amazing thing first."

So the man takes out a 10 inch man and a tiny piano.

The 10 inch man starts playing the piano. The bartender scratches his head and says, "Wow, that is amazing. Here are your five beers. How did you do that?"

"There is a magic lamp outside. Rub it and a genie comes out and will grant you one wish."

So the bartender goes outside, finds the lamp, and rubs it. Then the genie comes out and says "I am the genie of this lamp. I will grant one wish. Choose carefully."

"I want 10,000,000 bucks." As soon as he made his wish, 10,000,000 ducks came out of nowhere.

The bartender goes back into the bar.

"Boy" he says to the man, "that genie sure does have bad hearing."

The man answers: "I know, did you really think I asked for a 10 inch pianist?"

Wed, Mar 31 00:56 2010 - 70.17.201.7 - message #14

Proper Medication


Teacher asks kindergarten students what kind of medicines they know
and what they are used for...

Mickey: 'Tylenol?'
Teacher: 'Very good! And what is it used for?'
Mickey: 'It is used for headaches'

Eddie: 'Nytol, Teacher.'
Teacher: 'Excellent. And what is it used for?'
Eddie: 'To help you sleep'

Now it's Ricky's turn and he says: 'Viagra.'
Teacher, slightly shocked: 'Ricky, What do you think it is used for?'
Ricky: 'It can be used for diarrhea.'
Teacher: 'Who told you this?'

Ricky: 'Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father,
'Take a Viagra, maybe that little shit will get harder.'

Wed, Mar 31 00:56 2010 - 70.17.201.7 - message #13

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

You all have obsessions,' he observed.

To the first mother, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.'

He turned to the second Mom. 'Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'

He turns to the third Mom. 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy.'

At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers 'Come on Dick, we're leaving'

Wed, Mar 31 00:56 2010 - 70.17.201.7 - message #12

what is the meaning of 6.9


a good time interuped by a period

Wed, Mar 31 00:56 2010 - 70.17.201.7 - message #11

What is long
green
slimy
and smells like pork



Kermit the frogs finger

Wed, Mar 31 00:56 2010 - 70.17.201.7 - message #10

very funny
wow

Wed, Mar 31 00:56 2010 - 70.17.201.7 - message #9

A man, a blanket, and basket. This man took these items to his house. That night his wife came home and asked what these items were for? He exclaimed, "I'd like to have a picnic tomarrow." The wife said, "I don't care." The husband then said... "where is you're dildo?" the wife picked up her cat and threw it out the window. The man angered by her actions, threw himself apon a knife. The wife then picked up the basket and peered inside of it. In it she found her dildo and a bowl of acorns. "So thats why he wanted to have a picnic."
john

Wed, Mar 31 00:56 2010 - 70.17.201.7 - message #8

One lonely,big,giant day a manatee escaped from its sheltered tank at Sea World. All the people tried to catch it but the mother fucker was too damn fast. Later that evening he rented an apartment at a whorehouse in Mexico. Suddenly a beautiful black whore approached him. "Well, hello there you sweet, fat, motha ip-op! How you doin' biznatch?" The manatee replied, "My blubber will keep me warm in the water." the whore replied, "Well lets go to your room then." As they proceeded to his room, they dropped to the ground realizing that the Germans were attacking the Whore house... or should i say "whore BOAT." Just then, some random nazi licked the whores abdomen. The mantee horrified by this nazi whore rituial became amused and grabed bin ladens ass.. because he was on the boat also. Bin Laden smiled and joined the manatee in marriage. Then they SWAM back to the tank. Bin laden said, " A whore, a bombing, and a Nazi... who woulda thought?"
cleatus

Wed, Mar 31 00:56 2010 - 70.17.201.7 - message #7

A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and proceeds to explains why.

The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with your co-worker complimenting you on how nice your hair smells?"

The woman replies, "He's a midget."

Scott

Wed, Mar 31 00:56 2010 - 70.17.201.7 - message #6

(This was sent to me by a writer named Rick.)

* * *

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house.

When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls
instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.

After the two men were finished, they started walking home and began to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned...how was it for you?"

The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch. When I nibbled on her breast, she farted and flew out the window!"

Scott

Wed, Mar 31 00:56 2010 - 70.17.201.7 - message #5

Two guys were talking about their love life while having a couple of beers.

"Does your wife like a bit of doggy fashion" said one

"Well sort of" said his buddy " She is into Doggy tricks"

"Wow, that sounds a bit kinky"

"Well..... not exactly. I sit up and beg, while she rolls over and plays dead!"


Scott

Wed, Mar 31 00:56 2010 - 70.17.201.7 - message #4

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I will not sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.

Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"


Scott

Wed, Mar 31 00:56 2010 - 70.17.201.7 - message #3

This is a good one I read on another MB:

* * *

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a
construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 6-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all
the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She
hung around and eventually the construction crew - gems in the rough all
of them - more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and
lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her
feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope
containing a dollar.

The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate
words of admiration and suggested that they take she dollar pay she had
received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story,
and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such
a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I've been working with a crew building a
house all week".

"My goodness gracious", said the teller, "and will you be working on the
house again this week too"?

"I will if those useless cocksuckers at the lumber yard ever bring us the
fucking wood", replied the little girl.

Scott

Wed, Mar 31 00:56 2010 - 70.17.201.7 - message #2

Let's all refrain from telling Monica Lewinsky jokes, shall we? I think that poor girl deserves to be left alone...
admin

Wed, Mar 31 00:56 2010 - 70.17.201.7 - message #1